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This week at youth, Bob talked about how important it is to have a vision for relationships. In order to navigate those turbulent emotional waters, a young person needs to have his or her compass clearly set on the direction that he or she wants to go. That means, according to Bob, knowing the purpose of dating as well as knowing oneself. One of the ways that I tried to guard my heart from being interested in the wrong sorts of young ladies was in setting in my mind a clear picture of the kind of godly young woman that I hoped to marry someday. I found this entry in one of my old journals:

10 August 2004

One thing I was thinking about tonight was what sort of person I would need to meet to be able to marry her given my current life trajectory. Here's what I think (not serious, just off the top of my head):

• Christian, sold out for God, conservative Baptist
• lover of people (even if introverted like me)
• of a positive attitude, one that assumes the best
• motivated for evangelism and missions
• willing to travel, not bound to people, places, or things
• flexible, able to take things as they come
• not needy for personal comfort, happy poor
• able and accustomed to taking pleasure in work
• quick with a smile and a kind word
• sympathetic and understanding when bad things happen
• realistic about limited resources
• humble and forgiving
• growing in her awareness of God's holiness, her own sinfulness, and her need for Christ

Bonus:

• loves music, listening to it and making it
• good conversationalist, articulate
• beautiful and intelligent
• good with kids
• enjoys walking and being outside, in parks, in creation

Of course, this is a rough sketch of perfection, no one will ever fully meet all these.... ?

Holly scores off the charts in every one of those areas and is an immense blessing to me. However, I know that making a list doesn't magically make a person matching those characteristics waltz into one's life. In fact, it seems to me that it is wholly by the grace of God that I'm marrying Holly this weekend; God condescended to answer my prayers and desires not because I in any way deserved it, but because he is a good and gracious Father to those who trust him. I am honored that the Lord has entrusted Holly to me and that Holly herself has chosen to trust herself to me. Still, I think that some credit for finding a good wife must be given to the clear vision that I had of who I was waiting for and what dating was for.

I hope that the students in the youth group will take Bob's message to heart. I pray that they will get a clear enough vision of what can be and what ought to be in the area of relationships that they will have the discernment to say "no" to the wrong things and "yes" to the things that will please and honor the Lord—and be good for them.