Standing at the Microphone…

A Little Bit of Honesty

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012 | Events & Happenings, life, Reflection

Today I took my first bath without Paul’s help since my Achilles tendon accident.  I’m glad that I could finally do it on my own.  These past 2+ weeks have been very hard for Paul, me, and for Claire. Claire has been a little bit more whiney since Mommy can’t get on the floor and play with her as usual, or hold her and walk around, or even eat at the table with her.  Paul has been such an amazing husband, and has really been picking up the slack. He completely takes care of Claire – feeding her, changing her diapers, nap times and bedtime, playing with her. He completely takes care of me – getting me food, making sure I can get downstairs, helping me get dressed, refilling my water and bringing me my vitamins, & until today, helping me bathe. He’s done EVERYTHING for us on top of needing to get his own professional work done. He’s been working so hard. We’ve also had a lot of help from friends and family – bringing us meals, help with watching Claire, even help with housework. We are so very grateful for that help because it’s certainly lifted a burden for us, especially for Paul.

For me, this experience has brought both a physical and an emotional toll. I really feel like I need a humongous bawl-out session and have been on the verge of tears particularly for the past couple of days. Some of that could be that I miss Claire (she’s at my sister’s house for this week, which is really good because Paul can work without distraction – and it turns out that he is leaving today for a work trip so it’s a blessing not to have to juggle what we’d need to do with Claire). Some of it is probably because yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I mourn the fact that I couldn’t go out for a nice date with my husband. We couldn’t even really do anything at home because I can’t move much without hurting. And to be honest, I have a terrible self-image lately. I usually struggle with my self-image, but it’s been particularly difficult since this accident – I’m pregnant, can’t move and find myself just able to sit/lay around, eat and watch movies or read. Sometimes I really just feel myself getting fatter (it’s all in my head I know). But I truly, truly hate not being active or productive.  I’m really just pretty depressed about this whole thing. And there’s at least 3 weeks to go; we’ll know on Monday if it’s longer than that.

In all of this, I have to keep reminding myself  that “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, comparing present sufferings with the future glory revealed in Christ).  I am confident that God is growing me through this situation – my patience is being stretched and my pride is crumbling. I still have a lot to grow in and as you can see above, a lot to surrender and confess to the Lord.  Thanks for just ‘listening’ and for allowing me to get all this out; that alone will help some. But please also pray for us; and if you have time and want to help us, our Care Calendar information is here:

To access Paul and Holly Brown's personal CareCalendar site,
visit http://www.carecalendar.org/logon/101850 and enter
the following information in the appropriate spaces:

     CALENDAR ID:   101850
     SECURITY CODE:   5493

1 Comment to A Little Bit of Honesty

Leave a comment